C A N C E L L A T I O N

32 Winter 21 Moon 57 Space Age – 21 January 2014

After several months of planning to go to the writing conference in San Miguel de Allende next month, I have finally admitted that I should not go this year.

Never mind that I do not have the money, I have some of it, and will have more of it next month, but I would still have to use credit cards and hope to pay it off… hope to…

Never mind that bothersome little fact. What finally did it, really convinced me, was realizing I simply will not have the historical novel written in time to pitch it to the two literary agents I was scheduled to meet there.

So I have cancelled everything. Hotel, train, conference. The refunds trickle in and I will only lose 252 dollars (out of over eleven hundred I already spent), which sucks, but I get the rest back, and at least I won’t be spending another two thousand on hotel and transportation and food.

I have decided, also, to go ahead and do something less expensive, which I have wanted to get back to working on for many months now.

Spend 300 dollars and go to Disneyland for a year.

Their social website executives tell me I may use a monopod, but not a tripod, in filming, and please not to disturb other people having fun.

Plus, maybe I will buy a ticket to the dreamhouse raffle.

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plus ca change plus la meme chose

16 Winter 5 Moon 57 Space Age – 5 January 2014

1.

How the years have fled by! I remember, in the 60s and 70s, when I could still feel the breath from the great depression and world war two blowing down my neck. Those world-changing decades had only passed thirty years before, and the elders from those great days were all around me, at work, on the bus, walking in the street.

Now, later this year, it will be forty years, for me, since I went east, in 1974, to live in the nation’s capital. More than that personal milestone, the world itself is fundamentally different. Computers, cellular telephones, giant televisions, and the world-wide-web, or internet, have radically redefined the nature of society and culture.

A library is not what it used to be. Very few of us write letters any more.

Yet… oddly enough, there still are books.

Curious.

2.

In five weeks I will be on the road. Today is Sunday.

I leave on Friday the 7th, and arrive in San Antonio early morning of the 9th. From there I make my way into Mexico and travel overnight south to the colonial heartland, or Bajio, where I will spend the 10th to the 19th in San Miguel de Allende, attending the 14th annual writers’ conference there, sitting through two and three events every day from the 12th through the 17th, workshops, readings, speeches, parties, lunches, etc. The day before and the day after the conference I will have completely free to simply explore that old, classic Mexican city, with all its historic, protected, archictectural style.

After leaving San Miguel, I plan to spend two nights in the center of Queretaro, another famous colonial city.

That part of Mexico is one of the areas where I am seriously considering moving after my Mom leaves the earth – if I should live so long and be moderately healthy.

If. If. If. A very big if.

But for now, I only pray I remain well and don’t get sick on the road. I have never been to San Miguel, and have high hopes of enjoying its amb ience. Supposedly there is a huge American population there.

So. In five weeks, I will be gone for two weeks and four days.

I hope my mother will be all right without me.

Oh… did I mention I begin and end my trip with a train ride to and from Texas?

Yes.

 

 

Day Three

14 Winter 3 Moon 57 Space Age – 3 January 2014

When I was younger, much younger, late teens and early twenties, I believed what happened in my day to day life was not really worth writing about no, my poetry and prose should be about more fantastic things than ordinary life but

later I came to think that the ordinary is worth writing about, sometime around twenty or thirty years ago, in my thirties and forties I began to believe that maybe the day to day, the quotidian reality, was worth recording

and so my poetry – and prose – changed more and more back into something overtly personal, things I felt, saw, experienced, people I knew and know, events that happened to me,  just while I was walking around and

well, but that is somewhat of an un-truth since my poems have always had an element of the personal in them, it’s just that I… instead of writing about what I saw, I used to think I had to be some kind of spectacle

and yet my first verses, or rather the first ones I called “poetry” – written when I was sixteen – were about actors in a production of Hamlet I was working at the local community college, yes, that was personal

but then I began to believe I needed spectacular dream power, that the ordinary me wasn’t enough I needed kings and queens and devils and angels raging fire across heaven or hell but no then I came back to where

it all begins, all politics is local, all poetry is personal and from there and only from there we make the connection to the universe or something but who cares anyway it’s nothing but words and I am only writing

only scribble scribble scribble so there here then yes okay .

 

Day Two

2 January 2014 – 13 Winter 2 Moon 57 Space Age.

It is now the second day of the new year. Already it seems old. But I continue my resolve to write something every day, and to publish it on blog as diary or whatever written I may call it.

This is only the second day. We shall see how far I go.

I begin to believe I will not meet my goal to have a novel ready for the writing conference in San Miguel de Allende. Only five weeks from tomorrow I leave to go there and I just am not going to have enough to share with the agents there. Too bad. I am not going to force myself to do this, I am going to take things completely at my own speed in my own time. That is another one of my resolutions for this new year. To do what I feel best. To do what I judge best. To do what I want.

No matter what.

Of course, I will take other people’s needs and desires into consideration. For example, what I want to do, what I desire to do, is be more helpful and understanding to my mother. That is what I want. That is what I desire. To help her get what she desires and needs in these last years of her life. Especially while she still has health and clarity of mind about her.

We will most likely we taking a train trip to Colorado at the end of June. With the LArail.com tours. Onboard three of their private cars. Sweet.

Resolution

It is a new year, as we measure these things. This marking of time brings a desire to reflect backwards and forward, to let go our past and grasp the future. To make resolutions.

 

I will write every day.